


A Different Kind Of Battle

by loves_books



Series: A Different Kind Of Battle [1]
Category: A-Team - All Media Types, The A-Team (2010)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of surgery and chemotherapy, Serious illness - cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 02:39:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loves_books/pseuds/loves_books
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>BA supports Face as he goes through treatment for a serious illness</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on a story on and off for a few months now where Face is diagnosed with cancer and goes through surgery and treatment (non-graphic but there are discussion of these subjects). The early parts are still very much a work in progress (a very angsty and badly written work in progress) but some of the latter parts are beginning to come together. Obviously I understand that this subject matter may mean that few people will ever want to read this, but I've decided to post these parts anyway. Please don't read this if you think the subject matter will be distressing to you.

“Face? You okay?” BA knocked lightly with his knuckles on the closed door of the bathroom, not wanting to just burst in on his lover. Now more than ever Face valued his privacy, though he had learned to always leave the door unlocked. Just in case. “Face?”

Silence for a long moment, and BA felt his heart rate kick up just a notch. No sounds of vomiting, which had been his first thought – Face’s constant nausea had been better over the last few days, though his appetite was still non-existent – and there was no sound of running water to suggest his partner was taking a quick shower. He could have fallen, could have passed out, but BA had been listening carefully since Face slipped away to the bathroom nearly half an hour ago, while still trying not to hover. He hadn’t heard a sound.

BA knocked once again, slightly louder this time. “Face? Talk to me or I’m comin’ in.”

As he closed his hand around the door handle, the other man finally spoke up. “I’m okay, Bosco, really. But, maybe…” BA frowned hard, picking up on the tremor in his lover’s voice. Something was wrong. After another second, Face continued, “You should come in, I guess.”

Immediately, BA opened the bathroom door and stepped inside, dreading what he might find. Over the last few weeks he’d helped Face cope with the worst of the side effects from his chemotherapy, the terrible weakness and constant nausea alongside mouth ulcers and dramatic weight loss, but this sounded like it was something new.

Face was standing at the sink, hands braced on the edges and head bowed low. He still wore his loose sweatpants and one of BA’s oldest shirts, a pale blue cotton that hung nearly to his knees. BA knew the choice of clothing was an attempt to hide the weight loss, but in actuality it only highlighted it, giving Face the appearance of a little boy playing dress-up. It also concealed the central line protruding from his lover’s chest, though BA was always so very aware of its presence. Such an alien thing, yet so necessary. 

Thinking perhaps Face was suffering another dizzy spell, BA moved swiftly over to stand behind his lover, slipping his hands onto bony hips to offer support. “Easy, baby,” he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to Face’s exposed neck. “I’m here. What’s up?”

A choked sob, and Face slowly lifted his head, meeting BA’s eyes in the mirror rather than turning. And immediately BA saw what the problem was, his chest suddenly tight. “It doesn’t matter, I know, and it’ll grow back, right?” Face’s voice was very quiet, definitely shaky, his bright blue eyes suspiciously shiny with unshed tears. “Tell me it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter,” BA replied immediately, even as his eyes were still taking in what he was seeing. A great swathe of hair from the left side of Face’s head was missing, as if the other man had run a razor straight back from his forehead, and a glance down into the sink showed BA a pile of fallen curls beside Face’s comb. “Oh Temp, of course it doesn’t matter.”

As Face leaned back into his gentle embrace, BA stepped closer, slipping one hand upwards to rub gentle circles over his lover’s flat stomach. Face swallowed hard, letting his head drop forwards again even as he pressed his back against BA’s chest. “It shouldn’t matter,” he whispered, closing his eyes tightly. “Why does it matter?”

BA had hoped desperately that Face would be spared this. His lover always took so much time and care over his appearance, especially his hair – no way to really hide the weight loss caused by his treatments, no way to truly disguise the pallor of his skin or the dark circles beneath his eyes, but Face had still been so careful over his hair, changing shampoos and conditioners almost weekly as the chemo left it increasingly dull and brittle. BA knew it was one of the last shreds of normality for Face, combing his hair into place, taming those beautiful caramel curls, and now…

“It matters because it ain’t fair,” he murmured after a moment, having to clear his throat of the harsh emotions threatening to choke him. “It ain’t fair, Temp. Nothin’ about this is fair. You gettin’ this damn evil disease, sufferin’ through all these treatments – none of it’s fair, you know that. But you’re gonna get better, and everythin’ else will get better too. And it will grow back.”

To his surprise, Face laughed softly. When he spoke again, his voice was bitter and angry. “It really isn’t fair. I hate this, I hate it so fucking much…” Another laugh which quickly turned into a sob, and BA moved his arms up to wrap them tightly around his lover’s chest, careful to avoid that exposed central line, pulling the other man as close as he could, wishing he could spin Face around and properly into an embrace. But Face kept his hands locked on the sink, though he did drop his head back onto BA’s shoulder this time as the tears came hard at last, loud and harsh in the echo of the bathroom.

BA murmured softly in Face’s ear as he cried, wishing for the thousandth time that he could take this away from his lover. He would take it on himself in a heartbeat rather than watching Face go through this hell. The doctors were optimistic, thank goodness, saying they’d caught it very early and that the surgery had been a success, but they’d still wanted Face to have the chemotherapy, just in case. A few stray cells that might cause problems if left untreated. And Face had been stoic throughout, agreeing to whatever the doctors suggested, surprisingly positive about everything, even during the days when he couldn’t move from beside the toilet because he was throwing up so hard. 

There had been tears before now, of course, and many angry moments – BA had held Face close during long nights when all his lover did was cry softly, and he had been there when Face needed to shout and scream, cleaned up the mess that one time when his lover had smashed a glass full of water against the wall. But each time, Face would pull himself together again, apologising, saying he knew it would be over soon, and he would be fine. He would beat this thing; it certainly wasn’t going to beat him, not after all he’d survived in the Rangers. BA believed that too, with all his heart, but he still wished it wasn’t happening. Not to his Face.

This time the tears didn’t last long, the angry sobs fading quickly away to sniffles and hiccups, but BA kept his arms locked tight, rocking Face gently in his arms as he leaned them both forwards against the sink. “Love you so much,” he whispered over and over again, wishing he knew the right words to make everything better. “You’re gonna be okay, Temp. It’s okay to cry, baby, it’s all okay. Let it all out.”

Face eventually lifted his head away from BA’s shoulder with a shaky sigh, though thankfully he made no move to pull out of the embrace. BA watched as those bright blue eyes he loved so much stared into the mirror again – eyes that hadn’t yet been dimmed or shadowed by the chemo, eyes that still showed every emotion their owner was feeling, if you knew how to look past the tricks and cons. Those eyes were red-rimmed now, the lids swollen, but there was strength and determination there as well. 

Lifting one hand from his white-knuckled grip on the edge of the sink, Face slowly ran his long fingers through his hair once, and BA couldn’t help but gasp as most of the caramel strands he touched just lifted away, fluttering down to join the growing pile in the sink. His lover caught a single curl in his hand as it fell, twirling it slowly between his fingers, a strange smile hovering on his lips. “This is so stupid,” he sighed, finally meeting BA’s eyes in the mirror. “I’m gonna be all patchy.”

“Temp - ?” he started, but Face pressed straight on, dropping the curl and seizing one of BA’s hands instead, his grip almost painfully tight.

“Do me a favour, Bosco?” Face asked, and BA nodded without even having to think. “Go get your clippers?”

BA had to swallow hard at that simple request, tears springing into his eyes yet again. He knew immediately what his lover was asking him to do, but for a long moment he wondered if he was strong enough to do as Face asked. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he gave himself a mental kick. Compared with everything Face was going through, this was nothing. “Of course, Temp.” He leaned around just far enough to claim his lover’s lips in a gentle, reassuring kiss. “Be right back.”

He waited until he was sure Face had taken his own weight again before moving away, hurrying quickly through to the bedroom they shared and snatching up his shaving kit, checking his clippers were in place and fully charged. Back in the corridor outside the bathroom, he hesitated before turning away and detouring via the kitchen instead.

Face hadn’t moved while BA had been away, still staring into the mirror, one hand still grasping the sink and one frozen in mid-air. That determination was still there as well, obvious now in the set of his jaw as well as in the calm expression that had fallen over his features, and BA squared his own shoulders before slipping back into the bathroom.

“You got them?” Face asked, even as BA dropped the opened kit onto the small shelf beside the sink. 

“Course I did.” With one hand on his lover’s shoulder, BA gently pushed him to sit on the high stool he’d brought through from the breakfast bar in the kitchen. “Get comfortable, sweetheart.” The pet name slipped easily from his lips, not something they had ever really used before Face had found that lump nearly three months ago and everything had just stopped. The last barriers had fallen between them now, everything so much more immediate and necessary than when they had first started to tentatively explore a new side to their relationship more than a year ago.

Face, of course, had said immediately that they could end it when he was diagnosed. No pressure, no expectations – he’d said it wasn’t fair for BA to have to stay with him through this. They could go back to being friends and teammates. Brothers, even. But there was no question in BA’s mind, not even for a second. He loved Face, heart and soul, and he’d simply pulled the other man into a deep kiss when his words failed him, as they so often did. Face was the talker, the one who always knew just what to say. 

Now, to BA’s surprise, Face didn’t complain about the stool, instead just settling himself onto the padded metal with another shaky sigh. He had gotten better at asking for help when he needed it, knowing when his body needed to stop and rest, just as BA had gotten better at spotting the early warning signs Face sometimes missed. Face’s grip on the sink earlier hadn’t just been about shock.

“Thanks,” the other man murmured, as BA started to methodically assemble his kit. He cared about his hair as much as Face did, although in a slightly different way – for him, it was all about the neatness and precision of cleanly shaven lines, sideburns honed to perfection, Mohawk trimmed and tidy. His shaving kit was something he never travelled without unless they were right out on the front line, something he always took great care of. This particular kit had actually been a gift from Face on BA’s last birthday, tastefully expensive and with a vast array of attachments, in a beautiful leather case, monogrammed with his initials.

Assembled clippers in his hand, BA took a deep breath as he turned to face his lover again. “You sure, Temp?” he asked, still hesitant even with the visible bald patches on Face’s head, wisps of hair still clinging where most had fallen. 

But Face didn’t hesitate even for a second before nodding once, sitting a little straighter on the stool. “I’m sure, big guy. Do it.”

BA found himself focussing entirely on the job in hand as he started to run the clippers over his lover’s hair. Slowly, he trimmed the soft locks as much as he could, using both hands to guide his movements as the curls fell down into the sink and onto the tiled floor around them. He felt Face’s steady gaze on him in the mirror the whole time, but he didn’t look up as he worked, losing himself in the repetitive actions rather than focussing on the truth of what he was doing. He tried desperately to ignore the way so much of his lover’s hair simply fell away at his touch, before the clippers even came close.

When he’d trimmed as much as he could, BA put the clippers carefully back down before reaching over to grab his shaving gel. Face sighed ever so softly as he smoothed the cool foam over the remaining stubble on his head, but BA just took a deep breath and kept working, picking up his razor rather than meeting his lover’s eyes. Long, smooth strokes, careful not to nick the delicate skin stretched over Face’s skull, and soon it was done. A damp towel to soothe away the last of the clinging foam and removed hair, and it was really done.

Resting both hands on his lover’s shoulders, BA finally lifted his head to look into the mirror. Face had tears rolling slowly down his pale cheeks, but he was smiling too, and BA forced a smile to his own lips as he took in the other man’s appearance. Where beautiful caramel curls had been, there was now only smooth skin, pale and shiny. Every bump on Face’s skull was visible, every dip and shadow. 

“Makes my ears look huge.” Face’s unexpected words startled a laugh out of BA, though he immediately bit his lip and shook his head.

“No, Temp.” He dropped a careful kiss onto his lover’s now bald head. “Just makes your eyes look really blue.” And it did, actually, that bright blue even more the focus now than they had been before.

Face allowed him the kiss with a small smile, before ducking away. “Charmer,” he whispered, making a show of rolling his head from side to side, stretching his neck and shoulders. 

BA stepped up close behind his lover again, pressing his chest to Face’s back and wrapping his arms back around that slender body. Pouring every ounce of love he felt for this incredible man into his words, he lowered his lips to his lover’s ear and whispered, “You’re still beautiful to me, Temp, you know that, right?” 

At BA’s words, Face went very still. “Seriously?” he whispered, smile fallen away completely. “I just look like a fucking cancer patient now.” BA had always known that was another reason Face had wanted to keep his hair – it had never been about vanity, just about putting on a brave front. It didn’t matter that the other man had barely been anywhere other than the hospital and the team’s house for weeks now.

“That’s okay, Temp,” he said slowly, keeping his arms as tight as he dared. “Won’t be for long, remember. Only another two treatments.” He felt Face nod before suddenly the other man twisted awkwardly on the stool, turning round until they were looking at each other in the small bathroom.

“Thank you,” Face said with a shaky smile, blue eyes shining once again, so very bright and clear. “For this, for being here. Hell, for everything.”

BA leaned forwards and very deliberately placed another firm kiss right on the top of his lover’s newly bald head. Keeping his lips pressed against the smooth skin, so warm and alive, he murmured, “Don’t need no thanks, fool. I just love you, is all.”

“Love you too big guy. Love you so very much.” With those words, Face simply folded himself forwards, dropping his forehead down to rest on BA’s shoulder and wrapping long arms loosely around his back. In return, BA let his chin rest on his lover’s head, holding him close as his own tears threatened to fall. They stayed there a long time, not talking, just being together, and BA found himself thinking once again how lucky he was to have this incredible man in his life. He would do anything to keep Face alive and safely by his side. If only there was anything he could do.


	2. Chapter 2

Though it was only early evening, the house had been silent for more than an hour now, the television long since muted and the radio switched to standby. BA was standing in the kitchen, lost in his thoughts as he quietly chopped vegetables, preparing the finishing touches to add to the stew Murdock had left them for dinner. The pilot was on a late flight back to the base, but, glancing at the clock, BA realised Hannibal would be home soon – he’d sent the colonel a short text message already, telling him about Face’s sudden hair loss. Just so it wouldn’t be a complete shock.

But deep down he still knew it would be a shock for the colonel, actually seeing Face as he was now. BA had checked on his lover a little while ago, stunned again to see all that pale skin on display, Face’s bald head settled on the pillows as he slept reasonably comfortably on the couch. It had become a habit between them in the late afternoon or early evening, Face curling up with his soft pillow and light blanket, a bucket close by just in case, while BA started on dinner. Face had joked to him once that it made a change at least from sleeping in their bed, now that it seemed he was sleeping practically all the time, but BA had been able to see how frustrated the other man was at his ongoing weakness. Still, Face rarely fought the needs of his body now, accepting that rest and lots of it was one of the best things to hasten his recovery.

Losing himself in the relentless chopping and peeling, letting his thoughts drift, BA was actually startled when he heard a key turn in the back door rather than the front door as he’d expected. Pausing in his actions, he turned to nod a greeting to Hannibal as the older man quietly let himself in. Hannibal was still in his fatigues after a day spent at headquarters, working light duties just as Murdock was while the team were on standby. After Face had first been diagnosed, BA had flat-out refused to go back to work, and he still didn’t know what deals Hannibal had struck on his behalf to get that approved. He didn’t care, though he was incredibly grateful – he would sooner quit the service altogether than leave his lover’s side right now.

“You okay?” Hannibal asked softly as soon as he closed the door, dropping his battered briefcase onto the kitchen table.

BA nodded again, turning back to his vegetables. Nothing but the freshest and healthiest food for Face, now, in case it made any difference at all. “He’s okay, I guess. Had a bit of a breakdown on me, just a bit upset over it all. He managed to eat some soup for lunch, though, and kept it down. Been asleep for an hour or so.”

Focussed back on his repetitive chopping, he was again startled when a big, strong hand landed gently on his shoulder. “Good. But that wasn’t what I asked,” Hannibal told him, deep voice warm and caring. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, boss. I’m okay.” BA carefully placed the chopping knife down, resting his hands flat on the worktop. He took a deep breath, feeling Hannibal’s hand squeeze ever so slightly. “Hated doin’ it, like I hate seein’ him like this, but… Glad I was here, glad it wasn’t Murdock.”

“I can understand that. I’m glad it was you, too. As much as we can be glad about any of this.” BA could hear the underlying anger in Hannibal’s voice, knew it was directed not at him but at the whole situation, something he couldn’t fight or change, no matter how much they all might wish they could. The colonel and his lieutenant had been together for years before BA and Murdock had joined the team, and BA knew just how close the two men had always been, not quite father and son but certainly family. He knew how protective Hannibal could be over Face, though of course Face could fight his own battles, even now, Ranger that he was. 

More than anything, BA remembered how Hannibal had taken him to one side when he’d started to suspect his two youngest team members had taken their friendship to a whole other level. Remembered too well the thinly veiled threats if he deliberately caused Face any sort of pain. BA had been angry at the interference, furious in fact, before he finally realised where the colonel was coming from – it wasn’t because they were two men, it wasn’t even because of the threat to the team if they broke up badly. It was just one man looking out for his little brother, Hannibal knowing that Face had been through a difficult life and was desperate for love. BA had quietly promised Hannibal he would never do anything to deliberately hurt Face, the most anyone could possibly ask of him, and his colonel had smiled, shaken his hand, and wished him luck.

Now, Hannibal squeezed BA’s shoulder one last time before crossing slowly to the doorway, leaning against the frame as he looked through into the living room. Looking at Face. BA placed his knife quietly down and turned to watch the older man, noticing the way one big hand shook ever so slightly as Hannibal raised it to cover his mouth.

“Oh, kid.” The whispered words were so quiet that at first BA thought he had imagined them. Then in the very next second Hannibal straightened up, broad shoulders visibly rising and falling as he took a deep breath, before he went straight on into the quiet room. 

BA found himself drawn to follow the older man, moving across the kitchen to lean his own bulk in the doorway where Hannibal had stood previously. The colonel had crossed the room slowly on silent feet before dropping to one knee in front of the sofa where Face slept, one hand hovering over his lieutenant’s exposed head as if he wanted to touch but didn’t dare. Face looked so peaceful, BA thought with a tiny smile, despite the paleness of his skin and the other obvious signs of his illness, including his newly bald head. In sleep, the faint lines of pain that always seemed to be hovering over his forehead had fallen away, and he looked almost young and innocent in a way that BA knew his lover hadn’t been for a very long time. 

In contrast, even in the low light from the side lamp in the living room, Hannibal looked far from peaceful, though to anyone else watching his body would appear perfectly still and settled. He looked worried and sad, and so much older than he usually did. BA couldn’t help but think that, even though Face was the one who was ill and undergoing painful treatments, all of them were suffering right along with him. They were truly a family rather than just a team – a rather messed up family at times, perhaps, especially now he and Face were lovers, but a family who loved each other even so.

As if sensing the colonel’s presence, Face stirred ever so slightly and an unintelligible murmur slipped from between his lips. As BA watched, Hannibal carefully dropped that hovering hand onto the very back of Face’s bare skull, cupping his neck with those long fingers of his and stroking gently with his thumb. 

“Hey, boss.” Face smiled as he woke, clearly knowing it was Hannibal before he had even blinked open his tired blue eyes. Probably the distinctive smell of the finest Cuban tobacco, BA couldn’t help but think with a smile. “How was your day?”

“Good thanks, kid.” Hannibal smiled down at Face, all that worry and sorrow carefully hidden away from the ill man. “Been stuck in briefings all afternoon. Planning weapons training for the latest batch of recruits. Major Johnson’s got some new-fangled ideas, but I don’t know…”

BA tuned out the colonel’s soft voice, content to simply watch his lover light up at the simple contact as Hannibal sketched him an outline of his day at the office, that big hand resting on his head the whole time. This was something Face insisted on, no matter how exhausted or sick he might be on any given day, something they had argued about before it had eventually become another part of their routine. And it was a good routine; BA knew that, though sometimes he wished Face would just sleep rather than insisting on being woken when the other half of their team arrived home every evening. 

It was all about striving for a sense of normality for Face, living in a world where very little could be normal for him right now. He always wanted to know what the others had been doing, what meetings Hannibal had been stuck in, what flights Murdock had taken – Face didn’t want it to all be about him, didn’t want every conversation to be about his level of nausea that day, or how high his pain levels were. 

BA was glad to see that Hannibal kept his report short tonight, though, and he kept his own eyes focussed on his lover’s face as the colonel eventually fell silent. He somehow knew Face would speak next, never one to shy away from a difficult subject, and sure enough – 

“So, what d’you think then?” The words were whispered, but they still sounded loud in the quiet of the house. Hannibal tilted his head on one side, studying Face carefully and honestly, before sliding his hand up from Face’s neck to rub gently across his bare head.

“Looks fine. Smooth as a baby’s bottom, kid.” Hannibal’s words were light, but his smile suddenly seemed a little strained, even from where BA stood. “Bosco did a good job.”

Face seemed to notice it too, observant conman that he was. “It’ll grow back, Hannibal. Right?” His voice sounded small and almost scared, which just about broke BA’s heart. This was Face asking for Hannibal’s reassurance, more directly than he felt he was able to with BA. Still, BA felt no jealousy – Hannibal and Face had a very different relationship after all, and he was only glad that Face was being relatively honest about his feelings and his worries for once. 

“Of course it will. Don’t ever doubt that, Templeton.” As BA looked on, the older man leaned down and dropped a quick kiss to Face’s forehead. “Not long now ‘til you’re all done with the chemotherapy, remember. Then you’ll be in remission, then – ”

“Then I get my life back.” Face’s voice was stronger already, and BA had to smile, though he could only pray that it really was all as simple as that. So much could go wrong, he knew; there were so many tests Face would have to go through to get the all-clear he wanted so badly, so many things that might not have gone the way they hoped. It could have spread, despite the surgery, despite the poison pumped into his lover’s body in an attempt to kill any stray cells. 

But the doctors were positive, he reminded himself for the thousandth time – easy to forget that, watching Face go through this long course of treatment, with all the side effects that went along with it. The doctors were positive, and everything could really have been so much worse. Aside from the initial surgery, Face hadn’t had to be hospitalised yet, able to be home at the house the team had shared for years now, and that alone was a blessing. Every extra moment they had together was a blessing, now more than ever. 

BA snapped out of his thoughts when Hannibal gently rubbed his hand over Face’s hairless head once more before pushing slowly to his feet, stretching his long arms out and flexing his back. “I’m going to go grab a shower before dinner, kid,” the Colonel said softly to Face, who just smiled before burrowing back into his pillow.

“Might just catch another few minutes sleep.” BA frowned a little to hear the exhaustion in his lover’s voice, but then it had been a long and difficult day. Emotional, for both of them. 

“You do that, Temp. We’ll wake you later, promise.” As BA watched, Hannibal tugged Face’s blanket up a little higher and tucked it carefully around his shoulders before turning to leave the room, throwing a tired smile of his own at BA over his shoulder as he left. Nodding at his colonel, he just stood for a moment longer, seeing the way Face’s eyes just slipped shut again, that thinned body visibly relaxing again under the blanket as he drifted back into a light sleep.

BA stood, just drinking in the sight of the man he loved. Still so handsome, despite the weight loss and now the hair loss. Still so determined to be strong and to fight every step of the way. Face really was doing so much better than any of them could have dared hoped, and with any luck it would all be over soon now. Just another couple of sessions of the damned chemo, another few weeks of sickness and weakness before it would all be over, hopefully. 

BA really did pray it would all be over soon, but whatever happened, he would be there for Face and stand by his side regardless. If the worst happened, if it had spread, if there had to be further operations or rounds of treatments, he would be there. As he turned back to the kitchen and the waiting pile of vegetables, he made another silent vow that he would make sure Face knew just how much he loved him. Every minute they had together really was precious – being in the Rangers made you realise that life was short, but watching someone you love coping with cancer really put everything into perspective.


	3. Chapter 3

Lying on the sofa with Face cradled close in his arms, those long legs entwined with his own, BA couldn’t help but feel a sense of peace as he let himself sink deeper into the soft cushions. Easy to believe this was any normal afternoon on any normal weekend, and they were simply watching the television together, relaxing after a difficult week of work, or recently returned from a dangerous mission overseas.

The truth, of course, was about as far from that as it was possible to be. The television was indeed playing softly in the background, some mindless drama neither of them were really watching, and they had only returned to the house together that afternoon. But Face was returning from a short spell in the hospital, rather than from anything as normal as a busy week in the office.

BA pressed a kiss to his lover’s bald head, feeling rather than hearing Face murmur softly as the other man shifted ever so slightly in his grasp, practically asleep already though it was barely four in the afternoon. Three days Face had been hospitalised in the end, after suffering a particularly bad reaction to his most recent chemotherapy session. The nausea had kicked in barely an hour into the treatment, and BA had hovered helplessly as his lover had been violently ill for the remainder of the session, and on into the night. His doctors had been concerned about dehydration, amongst many other things, and had insisted on keeping Face there where he could be monitored and cared for.

Face hadn’t even argued, not that he’d been in any fit state to protest. BA had stayed close by his lover’s side for as long as he could, but he knew he was no nurse – in the end Face had found his voice long enough to tell BA to leave, when his doctor had stepped out of the room for a moment.

“You’re not hiding it well, lover,” Face had gasped with a pathetic attempt at a smile, as BA had tried to restrain himself yet again. Always a fine tightrope they walked, being in the military hospital and fighting to hide their feelings for each other, when BA just wanted to hug the other man tightly and kiss it all better. “Go. It’s okay, baby. I’ll be okay.” 

Reluctantly, BA had indeed slipped away from the hospital, leaving Hannibal to stay with Face that first difficult night, the colonel’s calm presence a gentle reassurance for the suffering man, though there was little anyone could have done to help. BA and Murdock had taken turns sitting with him over the following days, watching as Face drifted in and out of a fitful and fevered sleep, but now finally he was home once more where he belonged, weak and nauseated still but home at last.

BA had wanted to take his lover straight to bed, to climb beneath the blankets with him and just hold him close as he slept some more, regaining his strength before the next and hopefully final round of chemo. But Face had protested weakly, even as BA carried him in from the van, saying he’d spent too long lying down, that he wanted to be part of the world for a while. To be together, just the two of them. And so this compromise had been reached, BA propped up in the corner of the sofa with the other man cradled close, an empty bucket at hand for when the sickness inevitably struck again. He had one hand splayed protectively across his lover’s belly, rubbing gentle circles over stomach muscles that had to be aching and sore, while his other hand was gripped tightly in Face’s own. 

Such a relief to have Face back in his arms again. Such a relief to be able to actually touch like this once more after so many days of not daring to reach out, fearful of discovery. The close bond between their team was certainly no secret, and BA had heard enough nasty rumours about the relationship between Hannibal and Face over the years, as well as more than a few about Face and Murdock. If he could, he would shout the truth from the rooftops – he was the one who loved Face dearly, the one who Face miraculously loved in return – but neither of them wanted their relationship to be exposed in such a way, particularly not while Face was still undergoing treatment. 

As if reading his thoughts, Face turned ever so slightly in BA’s arms, kissing his neck. “Good to be home,” he whispered, and BA smiled, feeling his heart light for the first time since he’d driven his lover to the oncology ward three days ago, for what should have been only a few hours hooked up to an IV.

“Good to have you back, baby,” he whispered in return, resting his cheek on Face’s smooth head. It didn’t bother him now, the baldness, not that it had ever really bothered him as anything more than another nasty side effect from an evil disease. After the first day, the baldness hadn’t bothered any of them. Even when Face had lost his eyelashes and eyebrows, even when BA had realised he didn’t need to shave the stubble on his lover’s head because there was none – now, it just seemed normal, or as normal as anything could be until this was all over. “You need anythin’?”

Face shook his head slightly. “Just hold me. Like this.”

“I can do that. You don’t ever have to ask me that, Temp.” BA tightened his arms ever so slightly and closed his eyes, feeling exhausted himself after days of worry. Feeling guilty for even thinking of himself while Face was so weak. 

An easy silence fell between them once again, the soft drone of the television nothing back simple background noise. BA just let himself drift, savouring the peace while he could – Murdock would be back soon, and their cosy little bubble would burst, despite how careful the pilot was around his best friend these days.

For all his crazy ways and unpredictable reactions to everyday occurrences, Murdock had actually been the one out of all of them who had coped best with Face’s illness, on the surface at least. Though he rarely spoke about it, BA knew Murdock had lost his mother to cancer when he was just a little boy. Seeing Face go through the same treatments had to be hard, as it was for them all, but Murdock had turned out to be the one who knew almost intuitively what his best friend needed, whether that was silent companionship, a distraction of some sort, a glass of water, something to hit or simply someone to talk to. 

When Murdock had finally returned home on the day Face’s hair had fallen out, BA had been horrified and angry when their pilot had paused for a moment before bursting into laughter when he saw his friend’s newly bald head. There was nothing about the situation that was even remotely funny in BA’s mind, but to his surprise Face had started laughing as well, the pair of fools practically rolling around on the floor as they giggled together, Murdock cracking terrible jokes about sunburn and headscarves. All too soon, though, the laughter had turned to tears as Face started to cry once again, more angry tears BA hadn’t realised he’d been holding back, and without a word Murdock had simply wrapped his brother up in his skinny arms and rocked him through it all as they sat on the floor of the living room, Face fighting him half-heartedly, shouting angrily at the universe in general. 

Hannibal had come to stand by BA’s side, one big hand squeezing his shoulder as they watched the two men. Murdock had held on when Face tried weakly to pull away from him, keeping his friend from running, or staggering, away. The tears eventually dried up again, but still Murdock kept Face close, kept rocking him, never speaking a word, until Face finally fell asleep right there in the pilot’s arms. BA had whispered a soft ‘thanks’ as he lifted his lover up and away, grateful that Murdock had somehow known Face needed to let his emotions out. He’d been foolish, perhaps, to think his stubborn conman of a better half had been dealing so well with the loss of his hair, the last of the masks he could hide behind.

Now, BA was certain Face had fallen asleep in his arms, the tiny little huffs of warm breath against his neck a gentle comfort and reassurance for him after their days apart, and he frowned as he heard the front door open quietly. A soft click followed a moment later as it was closed again, and BA released the breath he had subconsciously been holding as he realised Murdock was at least being quiet, knowing Face had only just been released from the hospital.

Discreet footsteps in the hall, barely audible over the voices from the television, and BA glanced over to the doorway when the footsteps paused. And nearly choked when he saw what Murdock had done.

“What the – ?” he breathed, shaking his head just once, mouth hanging open in shock.

The pilot waved wildly, a huge grin on his face, before he shot off again back into the hall. Footsteps on the stairs, and BA had to assume the other man had gone to change out of his uniform, though he still couldn’t quite comprehend exactly what he’d seen in that brief moment. 

Face shifted lazily, pressing his nose into BA’s neck. “Bosco…?” he asked drowsily, clearly still half asleep. “You okay?”

“Crazy fool’s gone and done somethin’ really crazy,” he managed to say with a breath of laughter. “Brace yourself, baby.”

“Hmm?” Face tried to sit up a little, and BA helped as much as he dared. “What’s he done?”

No way was he going to try to describe what he’d glimpsed. Perhaps he’d been dreaming. “You just wait and see.”

They didn’t have to wait long, only a few minutes in fact, before Murdock’s soft footsteps could be heard bouncing back down the stairs. The footsteps paused just outside the room, and BA huffed a little in anticipation – Murdock always had to make a grand entrance. And then, finally, the pilot stepped inside, a sly grin on his face, and spread his arms wide. “So, what’d ya think, boys?”

BA still couldn’t find the words, but Face, as always, found his voice first. “What the hell have you done, buddy?” he gasped, the drowsiness gone, replaced by sheer astonishment.

“You don’t like my new ‘do’?” Murdock spun on the spot, arms still wide, giving them both a more complete view of the mess he’d made of his hair. “A flight got cancelled, and we started making dares, and the guys dared me – ”

“You did all that on a dare?” BA blurted out, tightening his arms around Face in warning as his lover tried to sit up a little bit further. 

“Quiet day, so why not?” With a final spin, Murdock bounded over to the sofa where BA and Face were cuddled together, dropping to one knee by the side as Face reached out a tentative hand to poke at the strange hairstyle.

Or hairstyles, BA figured, since there were definitely five distinct sections to their crazy pilot’s hair. At the best of times, Murdock’s hair could be most kindly described as ‘wild’, but now it was more ‘sheer insanity’. It all looked carefully planned at least, as each section ran neatly from front to back, but apart from that each style was individual. Together, it all made for a very interesting effect. An insane effect.

In the very centre, from the pilot’s wide forehead all the way back to his neck, a clean strip had been shaved about two inches wide. To either side, again running from front to back, there was one strip dyed fluorescent green and one a particularly intense red, the green section spiked with gel while the red was slicked back neatly. Above Murdock’s left ear, the hair had been carefully styled into tight cornrows, while the final section above his right ear had been buzzed off, swirls and patterns shaved into the stubble that remained. 

“Murdock, buddy – what the hell kind of dares were you all making?” Face asked with a soft chuckle, and BA glanced down at his lover to see a tired smile splitting the other man’s still-handsome face as he dropped his hand away. Tired blue eyes were alight with joy as they drank in the sight of their teammate. “What, they couldn’t decide on just the one style?”

“More fun like this, right! And look!” Murdock produced a baseball cap from somewhere and tugged it on over his hair – “You can’t even tell!”

Sure enough, the cap hid just about everything, though the effect of normalcy wouldn’t survive more than just a cursory glance. “You crazy fool!” BA shook his head, even as his eyes slipped back to his lover, watching the clear delight in his face. “How long you think you’ll get away with that?”

“Don’t matter,” came the cheerful reply. “Already got the money!” 

“Money?” Face was the one to ask, though the question was on the tip of BA’s tongue. “Buddy, what money?”

“Show me the money! Show me the money!” Again as if from nowhere, Murdock produced a bundle of crumpled banknotes and waved them in the air. “Dares became bets, and bets became wins for me. Figured we could take the money down to the children’s ward at the hospital, get some new toys and games and stuff.”

BA felt Face heave a gentle sigh as he let his head fall back into the cushions, though there was still a laugh in his voice as he said, “That’s a great idea, Murdock! Really great, buddy!” And it was a truly great idea, BA couldn’t help but think – he, Murdock and Hannibal had all talked about shaving their hair in solidarity with Face, even doing it for charity, but their cunning lieutenant had known it was on the cards and told them all upfront that they’d better not dare. Trust Murdock to come up with a solution to get around Face’s demands; the pilot would have to shave it all off in a day or two, once the general got a good look at it, but some good would come out of it all at least. 

“Love it, Murdock. But you’re really crazy, you know that?” Murdock pulled a funny face, tilting his head from side to side, and BA could only laugh out loud at the sight. Face laughed too, of course, though in the very next second BA felt his lover tense up, the laughter turning to a cough, and he sat up as quickly as he could, bringing Face up with him as he reached down for the bucket by the side of the couch.

Face had nothing left in his stomach to bring up, having eaten practically nothing for days now, but the dry heaves were no less violent for that fact. BA held him up with strong arms as his lover gripped the bucket in white-knuckled hands, while Murdock’s smile fell away in an instant. BA rubbed gentle circles over Face’s back with his free hand, murmuring soothing nonsense in his ear, barely aware of the moment their pilot slipped out of the room in the direction of the kitchen, giving the ill man some semblance of privacy. 

“Easy, Temp, easy. Breathe through it, baby.” Face couldn’t spare the breath to reply, but BA saw the tense nod he got in reply. They’d done this too many times now, far too many times for it to be uncomfortable, but of course it was still terrible to watch his lover go through this. “That’s it, Temp. There you go.”

Eventually, after what could have been hours but was probably only a few minutes, Face relaxed a little, coughing up something BA didn’t want to look at and collapsing backwards into BA’s supportive arms. But BA couldn’t help noticing Face didn’t relax his grip on the bucket though, telling him this particular attack wasn’t quite over yet, so he stayed sitting and kept as still as he could, pressing a gentle kiss to his lover’s temple in hope of providing some comfort. 

Sure enough, a moment later Face was straining forwards again, eyes squeezed tightly shut as his body fought the poison in his system. “Get it out, Temp,” BA murmured, hating how helpless he was once again, helpless to do anything more than watch and bear witness. “Easy does it, now.”

The very moment Face fell back against him this time, pushing the bucket away weakly, Murdock was right there with a glass of ice water, a swirly straw stuck in the top along with a pink umbrella. BA accepted it gratefully, holding it to his lover’s lips and letting Face sip a little as their friend took the bucket away, reappearing by the side of the couch a few seconds later. From the corner of his eye, BA saw Murdock rest a gentle hand on his best friend’s leg, but he only had eyes for Face. The ill man had his eyes closed but the worst of the strain had passed from his features now, and he was starting to catch his breath once more. 

After a few more sips of water, Face shook his head and blinked his eyes open slowly. “I’m okay,” he gasped, pushing the glass away with a shaky hand. “For now, at least.”

“Drink a little more,” BA urged softly, worried that his lover might have to go back to the hospital if he became dehydrated again, but Face just dropped his head back to rest on his shoulder.

“No more,” the sick man whispered, hiding his face against BA’s neck. “Please, Bosco…”

The one thing he couldn’t stand was Face begging him for anything. BA closed his own eyes, letting Murdock take the glass away from him as he gathered Face gently back into his arms, leaning them both back into the soft cushions of the sofa once more. “Okay, Temp,” he murmured, swallowing hard against the sudden lump in his throat. “No more.”

Silence fell once more in the quiet room, but BA had almost forgotten about Murdock’s presence until the pilot whispered, “Either of you need anythin’?”

Face stirred slightly in BA’s arms before speaking up. “Just one thing, buddy.” 

Worried he’d forgotten something obvious, BA’s eyes snapped open and he frowned down at his lover. Those bright blue eyes were staring at Murdock, or staring at that insane hairstyle at least. At some point Murdock had pulled his cap back off again, and the wild colours and styles and bald strip were on display once more. BA didn’t know what it said about Murdock that the pilot almost carried it off.

A smile was hovering over Face’s lips once again, and there was a hint of laughter back in his expression, though he was clearly fighting to keep his breathing shallow and steady, perhaps feeling sick again already. 

Murdock clasped Face’s hand tightly in both of his own, leaning closer as he crouched by the sofa. “Name it, Facey.”

“You’ve got to go down to the children’s ward just like you are now, okay?” Face huffed a soft, careful laugh. “You look like a real clown. They’re gonna love you.” 

Murdock laughed out loud, hopping back to his feet and spinning in place once again. “Me, a clown?” he giggled, and BA had to smile at his friend’s crazy antics, even over and above his deep concern for Face. “I’d need a proper outfit! What does a clown wear?”

“You could borrow Hannibal’s red silk shirt,” Face suggested as he closed his eyes again, and BA felt the shudder that passed through his lover at the very thought of the offensive piece of clothing. He knew for a fact that Face had tried several times to convince Hannibal that red really wasn’t his colour. “And maybe Bosco’s tartan pants.”

“Hey!” He couldn’t let that slide, sick lover or not. “They ain’t tartan, they’re plaid. And they’re pyjama pants – not like I wear them in public or anythin’.”

“You wore them out that one time, big guy.” Murdock was still spinning in a whirl of colourful hair – surely he had to be getting dizzy by now? “That time the fire alarm went off, remember?”

BA remembered all too well, and this time the shudder was his. “Went off ‘cause you were burnin’ the damn pancakes,” he grumbled, but Murdock just smiled even wider. 

“I’ll need some giant shoes, too. Clowns always have giant shoes, right?” 

“Talk to Sergeant Bristow down in medical,” Face whispered, even as BA felt his lover relaxing completely into his grip. He carefully resumed stroking gentle circles over the ill man’s belly, hoping to settle his stomach for now. “She helps at the local amateur dramatics group. Sure she’ll help…” The last words were little more than a breath as Face slipped into sleep once more.

Murdock seemed to notice at the same moment, slowing his spinning to a stop and stepping back from the couch. BA met the other man’s gaze, spotting the clear distress in those expressive brown eyes, though the pilot still had a gentle smile on his face.

“Thanks,” BA said as quietly as he possible could, and Murdock’s smile grew a little wider.

“Wish I could do more,” came the soft reply as the pilot stepped back towards the sofa, leaning down to press a very careful kiss to Face’s forehead before turning to leave.

“Hey, fool?” BA waited until Murdock half turned back before he whispered, “Really, thanks. For distractin’ him. And for the ‘do’.”

“You really like it?” Murdock spun one last time, slowly. “I might see if I can keep it. Can’t wait to see what Hannibal thinks!” With those words, he slipped quietly from the room, leaving BA to imagine the look on their straight-laced Colonel’s face when he saw exactly what their pilot had done to his hair. It had worked for what it was, at least – putting a smile back on Face’s lips and giving him something else to think about for a minute. That was all they could do, now, and BA was suddenly very glad the two of them weren’t alone to deal with this hell.


	4. Chapter 4

It was amazing the difference a few weeks could make, BA thought with a smile as he leaned his weight on the railing around the edge of the decking area. Below him on the sandy beach, he could see his lover stretched out on a blanket in the sunshine, wearing a loose pair of shorts and nothing else, basking in the heat and the gentle sea breeze.

Already Face looked so much better than he had done. Five weeks now since what they all desperately hoped would be his last chemotherapy session, and the change in the other man was incredible. BA shuddered now to think of those difficult few days, the memory already starting to fade away to become little more than a nightmare. Face had had to be hospitalised once again to BA’s distress, and he had been so weak that he had barely been able to open his eyes for five long days, not really aware of anyone or anything other than his discomfort and sickness. 

For the first time since his lover had been diagnosed all those months earlier, BA had found himself wondering if this was all worth it – was making Face so very ill really the only way to the cure they wanted so desperately? Perhaps they should have looked harder at the alternative therapies available, or perhaps even taken the risk that surgery alone had been all the cure Face had needed. Was all this pain and suffering really going to pay off in the long run?

They wouldn’t know the answer to that all-important question for another few months yet, of course, but everything looked as good as it possibly could at this early stage. Face had been released from the hospital eventually, back home in the care of BA and his team, and he had finally started to recover some of his strength. Three weeks after he had returned home, his doctors had cleared him to travel and the whole team had flown here for some much needed rest and relaxation. Face had wanted to go back home to LA, but BA had sided with the doctors when they suggested the long flight might be too much for him – in his mind, of course, any kind of flight was too much, but Face really deserved a break, and he’d wanted sun and sea. Instead of LA, they’d taken the shorter flight from Georgia down to Miami, with BA willingly drugged to the gills the whole time, and rented this luxury beach house for some well-deserved time away from the hospitals and the military base they called home.

Overhead, BA could hear the sound of seagulls calling to each other, and he could feel the powerful heat of the sunshine even from where he stood under the shade of the deck. Face, of course, was lying in full sun, as he had done for most of the time since they had arrived here. Hannibal and Murdock had been with them for the last two weeks, flying reluctantly back to Benning only that morning, and now it was just BA and Face. Alone together at last.

Sipping from the glass of ice cold milk in his hands, BA smiled again as he watched Face roll over onto his stomach. His lover had tried to lecture him on the importance of achieving an even tan, but BA had just lectured him right back on the importance of sunscreen instead, taking great pleasure in covering his still-recovering other half in the protective lotion, letting his hands linger as long as he could. Neither of them had mentioned the risk of skin cancer. Neither of them felt they had to.

Face really did look so much better already. Even from the deck where he stood, BA could see his lover’s previously pale skin had turned a soft golden brown – not the dark tan Face had always cultivated in years gone by, but a far healthier colour than the sickly grey-white he had been during his treatment. He had started to regain some of the weight he had lost, too, and BA had been so relieved the other day when he’d realised he could no longer see Face’s ribs. 

Face’s appetite had slowly started to return, made easier by the fact that he was no longer throwing up every five minutes, and BA had made sure they were sticking to the diet plan the hospital had provided them with, making sure his lover ate the right things as well as a few of the wrong things too – if Face wanted chocolate chip ice cream, then as far as BA was concerned he should damn well have chocolate chip ice cream, even if it wasn’t on the plan. 

The other noticeable difference, the one he knew Face was most thrilled about, was the other man’s hair. For the first time in far too long, the dark hint of stubble was visible on Face’s previously bare scalp, suggesting that his hair was finally starting to grow back in. They hadn’t talked about it, neither of them wanting to be the first to bring it up, but if pressed BA would have to admit he was curious as to what his lover would look like once it returned fully. He’d grown used to Face’s baldness, had in fact grown to love that smooth expanse of skin, and he couldn’t help but wonder exactly how it would grow back. 

He’d read online that some cancer patients found their hair grew back differently after chemo, either a different colour or even curly where it had previously been straight. It was hard to tell from the shadowy stubble that had appeared so far, but BA thought it looked a lot darker than Face’s previously caramel coloured locks. It didn’t matter, of course, not as long as Face was healthy, but he secretly hoped Face kept his curls, whatever colour they turned out to be. BA had always loved Face’s curls.

Shaking himself, he watched as Face rolled over again on his blankets, stretching his arms out wide before settling again. Draining the last of his milk, he strained his eyes to peer down at his lover’s chest, wondering if he could see the scar from here. Too far, of course, but he also knew that the tiny scar which marked the point where Face’s central line had been removed was smaller than either of them had expected. On Face’s battle-scarred body, the fresh red line had already blended in, especially since he’d started to regain a little of his tan, and it certainly wasn’t visible from where BA stood watching. Drinking his fill of his lover’s gorgeous body laid out in the sunshine. Leaving the memory of hospitals and illness far behind.

“Bosco?” Face’s voice carried clearly on the breeze, and BA was immediately on alert, already moving towards the steps that would carry him down to the beach and to his lover’s side.

“Right here, baby,” he called, snatching up his sunglasses and kicking off his sandals as he went. “What’s up?”

The sand was really hot under his bare feet and he stumbled for a moment. Despite all the time they had spent in various deserts over the years, he wasn’t a fan of sand. Wasn’t really a fan of the beach at all, but Face was, and Face was the most important person in the world right now. 

But then Face’s next words stopped BA in his tracks. “I can feel you staring at me,” the other man laughed softly, reaching up with one hand to lift off his tiny tanning goggles and blinking in the bright sunshine. “You don’t have to stare at me all the time. I’m not going to vanish on you, I promise.”

Shaking his head, BA grinned sheepishly, resuming his unsteady walk across the burning sand to his lover’s side. He’d been caught in the act, it seemed. “Can you blame me for starin’?” he asked Face as he dropped to the blankets and stretched out on his side, turning his head to stare at the other man. “Keep tellin’ you, you’re beautiful.”

“Bullshit, man.” But Face was smiling, his rare and beautiful genuine smile, and BA felt his heart beat a little faster. 

“Beautiful,” he repeated, propping himself up on one elbow and leaning closer until he could claim Face’s lips with his own. It was a gentle kiss, just a soft pressing of lips, but as always it was just perfect. “Love you, Templeton Peck,” he murmured as they broke apart, and Face smiled up at him again.

“I love you too, Bosco.” A hot hand suddenly stroked up BA’s side, and he couldn’t help but jerk a little at the unexpected touch. Face laughed once, blinking again in the light, but kept his hand moving, reaching around to stroke across BA’s shoulders then up and down his spine, encouraging him closer until they were kissing again with more heat than previously.

Still slow and gentle at first, but this time BA let himself lean further into the kiss though he was careful to keep the bulk of his weight off Face’s still frail body. He let his lover set the pace, opening his mouth gladly when Face licked across his closed lips, letting their tongues tangle together as the kiss grew ever deeper, relishing the little growl he got when he stroked his tongue across the roof of Face’s mouth. It had been a long time since they’d kissed like this, and BA felt his body react almost instantly to the heat of his lover’s body. Just like being a teenage boy all over again, he was instantly rock hard, and he carefully lifted his body away just enough so that he wouldn’t be pressing into Face. He never wanted to put any pressure on the other man, especially not now.

Their sex life had more or less ground to a halt after Face had been diagnosed, and BA had tried to be as understanding as he could. There had been lots of cuddling and being close, of course, and lots of little kisses and comforting touches. They had still shared the same bed every night, except for when Face had been in the hospital, and BA had cherished every moment he had with his lover wrapped up safely in his arms. But it had been strange even so – Face’s sex drive had always been incredibly high, and BA had struggled to keep up with him at times when they had first become a couple, though he would never have admitted that to his lover’s face. To go from that down to nothing had been difficult at first, though he really did try to see where Face was coming from. After the surgery and then the long, difficult rounds of chemo, he knew his lover had felt about as far from sexy as it was possible to be, though of course he had tried his hardest to reassure Face that he was still loved and wanted. Still the most beautiful man he had ever known, inside and out. Their relationship had never been just about the sex.

This kiss, though, coupled with Face’s stroking hand – this felt like an invitation, and BA’s body reacted just as it always had done. They kissed for what felt like hours, tasting each other anew beneath the warm sunshine and the calling of the gulls, but eventually BA reluctantly pulled back, gasping a little for breath as all that heat pooled low in his belly.

“God, Temp, the things you do to me,” he murmured, dropping his forehead down to rest on Face’s even as his carefully kept his lower body angled away. 

“Don’t stop,” Face whispered, both hands wrapping around BA’s shoulders now and trying to tug him back down.

“I got to, man, or else I’m gonna…” BA let his voice trail off, trying hard to think of anything other than just how incredibly attractive Face looked right now, lightly tanned body reflecting the golden sunshine, bright blue eyes the same colour as the sky overhead. Trying to think of a way he could quietly slip back into the house for five minutes alone in the bathroom with his hand and a tissue.

“No, I mean, you don’t have to stop.” Face licked his lips deliberately, and BA nearly came right there on the beach. “Bosco, please. You don’t have to stop.”

Barely hanging onto his self-control, it took him a long moment to understand what Face was really asking, and the realisation nearly pushed him over the edge anyway. He took a couple of long, slow breaths, thinking about ice baths and Murdock’s snail porridge, until finally he felt he had his body back under some control. “Not here,” he managed, leaning back in to claim Face’s lips once again. “Inside, sweetheart. Right now.”

Face nodded wildly, bright eyes dancing in the sunlight, and together they pushed up to their feet and hurried back towards the house, the blankets forgotten on the sand. BA kept a tight hold of his lover’s hand the whole time, not even letting go as they staggered up the stairs and indoors, feeling the way Face was trembling ever so slightly. Anticipation, he hoped, rather than pain, and perhaps a few nerves. It had been a long time, for both of them, and Face was still far from recovered, still weak and easily exhausted. 

A matter of minutes was all it took before they stood together in the master bedroom, kissing once again as Face undid the buttons of BA’s shirt with shaking fingers and pushed it slowly from his body to land on the floor at their feet. They broke apart briefly to remove their shorts, still not feeling the need to speak, and then BA kissed his lover once again before gently pushing him down to lie on his back on the bed. He followed Face down, propping himself up on his elbows and settling his weight between Face’s legs as he kissed the other man again on the lips, then on the forehead, the temple, the nose, anywhere he could easily reach.

Face giggled when BA kissed his chin, and the slightly intense atmosphere broke into something far more intimate and relaxed. BA paused his kisses and simply looked down at his lover for a long moment, at those bright blue eyes and the softly tanned skin. The dappled sunlight coming through the windows brushed away the last traces of Face’s illness, filling out cheeks that were still too hollow, hiding the little lines of pain by his eyes which hadn’t had time yet to fade. Face was through with his treatments but he still had another four months to wait before the final tests would reveal if he had truly beaten the disease, and BA knew all too well just how weak Face still was.

“You sure, baby?” he whispered, not wanting to go any further if Face wasn’t certain. As much as he wanted it, he had sworn he would never do anything to hurt this incredible man, and he would rather go without sex for the rest of his life than cause Face any pain. “We don’t have to – ”

Face interrupted him by surging upwards for another kiss, long fingers wrapping around the back of BA’s head and holding him close. “I’m sure,” he gasped when they broke apart again. “I mean, if you want…?”

BA growled, already moving down the bed, kissing Face’s throat and shoulder before finding that tiny scar on his chest where the central line had been removed and pressing his lips over it gently. “Oh, I want, Temp. Believe me, I want you. Always want you.”

Beneath him, Face gasped again as BA licked over the fresh scar, careful not to put any real pressure on the site. He knew just how sensitive it still was for Face, not painful exactly but not fully healed yet either. He kissed it softly one more time before continuing his downwards path, kissing first one rosy nipple then the other, trailing his tongue over fluttering abdominal muscles and dipping it ever so briefly into his lover’s navel, savouring the way both of Face’s hands flew to his head at the action. 

“Bosco…” Face breathed, voice pitched low, and BA felt the heat pooling in his belly again as he moved further down still, nosing briefly at Face’s groin and inhaling the heady scent of his lover. Face was already hard and red, a beautiful sight indeed to BA’s eyes, and for a second he just looked his fill, feeling the way his lover’s hands flexed ever so slightly where they rested in his hair, trying to tug him back up. “You don’t have to…”

“Know I don’t have to, fool,” he murmured affectionately, trying to pour all the love he felt into his voice. “But I want to. Let me.”

After a moment, Face parted his legs a little more, letting BA settle fully between his thighs. Pressing a brief kiss to his lover’s hipbone, BA bypassed the straining erection for now and chose instead to nuzzle straight into the area he knew Face was most worried and insecure about. The scar from the surgery had already been lost in the folds of loose skin, but it would still be clear to anyone that Face only had one remaining testicle, a visible reminder of the battle he had been through and was still fighting. 

BA knew the doctors had suggested Face would have been a perfect candidate for a prosthetic, but Face had refused point blank to even consider it, just wanting to get straight on with his treatment and stating that he really didn’t care what it looked like afterwards, as long as the cancer was gone. And of course BA had supported Face fully in that decision – he didn’t think he’d want a replacement himself, to know there was something fake inside his body – but he also knew Face felt more than a little self-conscious about how he appeared now. Like he was less of a man, somehow, for having had this disease.

Trying to reassure his lover, BA nosed gently at the soft skin at the base of Face’s erection, licking gently at the single testicle, loving the way it jumped ever so slightly at his touch. Face’s thighs were tense, the muscles twitching, but he didn’t push BA away. In fact, his hands relaxed just a fraction, and BA took that as a sign of permission – without hesitation, he opened his mouth and sucked in the little orb, bathing it with his tongue as Face cried out softly above him in pleasure. 

BA smiled around his mouthful, even as the aching need between his own thighs started to become impossible to ignore. God, he’d missed this. Missed the way Face gasped and moaned beneath him, always so responsive to his touch – for some reason he’d always expected Face to be loud in bed, as he had always been in every other aspect of his life, but actually he’d found the other man rarely raised his voice. Making love to Face was an incredible experience, whatever they did together, but it was never loud. 

“Need you, Bosco,” Face whispered now, hands suddenly tugging once again on BA’s hair, legs parting even wider. “In me, now, please…”

Letting his lover’s testicle slip from his mouth, he pressed a single lingering kiss to the tip of Face’s leaking erection before he replied, “Don’t ever have to beg, baby.” Licking his lips, savouring the strong taste of pre-come, he raised his head in a moment of panic. Something he should’ve thought of before this moment, but he’d never planned for this to happen today. Hadn’t dared hope Face would be ready, not yet. “Shit. We need – ” 

“Here.” Face’s left hand flew away from BA’s head, reaching sideways and beneath the pillow, immediately returning to press a familiar little tube into BA’s hand. He smiled almost shyly, shrugged as he settled back into the pillows. “I’d hoped, wondered…”

“Love you,” BA told him firmly, surging back up the bed to kiss Face hard even as he flipped the lid off the lube and carefully coated his fingers. It had been so very long, months of worry and sickness and waiting and wondering, but the fact that Face was finally feeling up to this filled BA with a sense of awe and relief. They might have to wait a while yet to see if Face got his all-clear, but as he gently slid his middle finger into his lover’s tight body, BA couldn’t help feeling as if they’d already won.

Face gasped at the intrusion, eyes fluttering closed and chest arching up into BA’s body as he shifted his hips a little. BA froze instantly, worried he’d gone too far too fast, but his lover immediately murmured, “Wow, I missed this, sweetheart. Don’t stop, please, just…”

Whatever else he might have said was lost in a strangled sigh as BA slipped his second finger home, relishing the burning heat inside his lover’s body. Bending his head again to claim Face’s lips and swallow his gasps, BA took his time opening the other man up as much as he could, pressing deep and stretching his fingers wide. He withdrew time and again to coat his fingers with more lube, determined to make this as pain-free and pleasurable as he possibly could, trying to ignore the ache of his own, ignored erection as much as he could. Not yet, he thought desperately, not yet. 

When he first brushed a finger over his lover’s prostate, Face just about bucked clean off the bed altogether, and only BA’s bulk kept him on the mattress as he repeated the action again and again. “You like that?” he whispered, noting the way Face’s pupils were completely blown now, loving the deep flush to his cheeks and the way his lips were swollen from all their kissing. “You ready for me?”

A frantic nod was all the answer he got as Face threw his arms around his back, holding tight as BA withdrew his fingers and lined up carefully. Slipping one hand under his lover’s lower back to provide support, he claimed Face’s lips with his own, revelling in the other man’s gasps of pleasure as he pushed himself home with one achingly long motion, Face’s legs snapping up and locking around his back as he finally bottomed out.

For a long moment neither of them moved, both breathing hard and trying to hold on to some sort of control. BA knew he wouldn’t last long, not after such a slow build and after going without this for so long, but he was desperate to make sure Face was okay. He could feel his lover’s erection pressing hard into his stomach, and he rolled his hips slowly as he pressed down, savouring the deeper groan that got him as Face’s eyes flickered shut for a second. 

Face wasn’t the only one who had missed this, and BA felt almost overwhelmed by the sensations surrounding him. Buried deep within his lover’s body, feeling the heat and tightness of Face pulling him in, it was almost too much to bear. He’d missed this connection, and he rocked his hips slowly back and forth, gazing down into his lover’s bright eyes as Face smiled up at him.

He could have held this position all day, just moving slowly and watching the way his lover reacted, but this wasn’t the time for that, not after so long. Slowly, he withdrew just an inch before pushing carefully back in, and Face sighed softly, digging his short fingernails into BA’s back. Again he withdrew, putting a little more strength behind his drive back in, and Face bucked his hips just at the right moment, matching BA’s rhythm instinctively just as he always did.

Time lost all meaning as they moved together, Face squeezing his inner muscles in a rippling motion that BA adored, but all too soon he felt his stomach tightening, his release growing closer. He slipped one hand between their bodies to seize his lover’s trapped erection, wrapping his fingers around it tight in just the way he knew Face loved, twisting gently and thumbing the thick vein along the underside. With a quiet cry, Face went rigid beneath him as his orgasm swept over him, spilling his release all over both their stomachs, and BA savoured the sight for a second before giving into the needs of his own body. Once, twice, three times he thrust hard into Face’s welcoming body, before his own orgasm took over and he roared his release loudly into the room, hips pumping unconsciously as Face’s legs fell bonelessly away from him.

In the aftermath, once the echo of his roar had faded into silence, BA managed to remember not to collapse down onto his lover. Instead, he fell sideways onto the bed, Face turning instinctively with him to curl into his chest, both of them breathing hard and fast. BA wrapped his arms around the other man’s back, pulling him close, relishing the feel of Face’s heart pounding away strongly as they lay together, legs entwining lazily. He relished the stickiness of his lover’s release on his stomach, though he knew he should really get up and fetch a cloth or, better still, take both of them straight through to the shower room.

But he didn’t want to move just yet, wanting this moment to last forever. Face, it seemed, felt the same way, shifting slightly until his head was pressed under BA’s chin, warm lips pressing soft kisses to his neck. BA could feel the rough stubble of regrowing hair, and once again he marvelled at the way Face was starting to slowly bounce back from the hell he’d been through.

“You are amazing,” he found himself saying, tightening his arms further around his lover and squeezing his eyes shut against the sunlight streaming in the window. “Have I told you that recently?”

Warm lips kissed his collarbone. “Not recently,” Face mumbled, though BA could hear the smile in the other man’s voice. “Always good to hear though.”

“You’re amazing,” he repeated, a little louder this time, and Face laughed in his arms, finally lifting his head to meet BA’s gaze.

“You’re the amazing one. Everything you’ve put up with from me over the last few months…” Face shook his head, blue eyes suddenly a little moist. “I can’t believe that you stayed, that you still want – ”

“Stop that, Temp.” BA kissed Face’s forehead, throat tight with emotion once again. “It’s all nearly over now. You’re gonna be just fine. And there ain’t nowhere else I’d rather be than right by your side, you know that. You’re amazing, and I love you.”

“Love you more.” With another shift and a contented sigh, Face settled back down in BA’s arms. An easy silence grew in the room once more, punctuated only by the sound of the gulls crying out on the beach outside. After a time, Face’s breathing grew slower still and BA knew his lover had fallen asleep. Hardly surprising after such an afternoon, in fact he could feel sleep calling to him as well, but for now he just wanted to stay awake and cherish this moment. It was a moment he had feared might never come again, Face trusting him enough and loving him enough to let him touch his ravaged body in such an intimate manner, and BA felt the full weight of responsibility suddenly crash down on him now it was all over.

Responsibility, yes, but also love and passion, and incredible respect and admiration for the way Face had handled everything life had thrown at him. BA didn’t know if he would have coped as well if it had been him who had found that lump on his own body, in fact he was fairly sure he wouldn’t have coped well at all. But Face had stayed strong throughout, and now there was finally more hope than worry for both of them. Their love-making had been a celebration of life as well as hope for the future, BA knew, and as he finally gave in and let his eyes slip closed he felt a smile touch his lips. The worst was over, and things could only get better from here on in. And they were both so incredibly lucky – no, BA corrected himself just before he followed his lover into sleep, he was the lucky one. To have Face in his arms, to have his love; that was more than he felt he ever deserved, and he would be grateful for that until his dying day.


End file.
